“Nahi hua” I said these words to my mother on the evening of 27th April 2018 with a sad face and a sunk heart. I could even see the deeper sadness in her eyes. It was my 4th attempt, 2nd interview and I was not in the list, again. I have seen failures earlier also, thanks to the journey that UPSC is, but the pain that my mother was unable to conceal was more heart wrenching than anything. I decided two things on that day: I have to get over this anyhow (Rage, rage against the dying of the light. …Yeah that’s what I said to myself when the light within me was dying) and I should not be at home when next CSE results would be declared :p
Treading with a job: travails of a working aspirant
I joined Cairn India as a petroleum engineer in 2013 and have given all my 5 attempts with Job. Managing preparation along with job is a tedious task and needs lots of planning, perseverance, passion and a strong-will.
- First of all, you need to have a mindset about your current job. It should be treated as a temporary phenomenon in your life. Assume that it is just a job, it is not something where you want to spend your entire life. Your passion and that burning desire for civil services should be your guiding criteria at your work place. So, treat your job as it is: It is secondary to your preparation. By this I don’t mean that you became too negligent at work. That should not be the case and an aspiring civil servant should never do that. You should have that adequate level of efficiency and professionalism and you should be able to complete all your deliverables within time. But you should avoid all those other things which can be otherwise utilized for your preparation (Social gatherings, frequent parties, Office gossip, extended lunch hours etc.). Don’t run after appraisals. Even if you get a bad one, it is not the end of your life. A little sacrifice is needed for a noble cause.
- Do not let anyone know in the office that you are preparing. Prepare in silence, let success roar. There are practical problems especially in private sector, so it is better that you keep this as your little secret.
- After you come back from office, plan your time judiciously. Divide your time between optional and GS and read accordingly. Also, don’t expect that you will run at super efficiency every time. There will be days where you won’t feel like reading anything. It is ok to feel that way and it is ok to not read anything on that day. What is not ok is making it a too recurrent phenomenon. At that point of time you have to tell yourself: No, that’s not how my story is going to end. Fall you must, but fail you shouldn’t. So, buck up, come out of comfort zone and start reading.
- Weekends are God’s gift to you – use them to your fullest.
- Social media: Since you have time constraints, you should stay away from social media as much as possible. Instead read newspapers and do productive things. I was away from facebook for a long time, didn’t use whatsapp much and got active only after this year’s result. So everything can wait: Say this to yourself.
- Your mobile is your best friend, and it is more so for working-travelling aspirants. You can read on flights, in trains, in office washrooms if you have that one companion. So make your mobile your library. You should be able to access Laxmikanth pdf within 30 seconds, read your optional notes and should be able to make online notes on evernote (or any other platform). So, a good investment in mobile with lots of storage space is recommended.
- “Remember why you started in the first place”: Remember this line in case you want to quit,there was a bad day at office, you felt like a failure or when you were just too helpless in this lone, long journey at any point of time.
- Avoid conflicts at workplace as much as possible. It is not good for your preparation if you are disturbed. Keep your eyes always on UPSC.
- Choose your friends selectively. Avoid noisy ones. Be in company of people who motivate you and create positivity in your life. Have someone who has absolute faith in you all the time, they do wonders for you.
- Form a close group of friends and discuss questions, your answer sheets and learn cumulatively.
- Be respectful and kind, everyone you meet is fighting a different battle. So be a little kinder, it is what makes you humane. Help someone at work, it will make you feel good. It helps in civil services preparation somehow—blessings and positive energy.
- Never give up, avoid taking decisions in a haste especially after a setback like a failure in prelims, mains or finally not getting selected in the end. Give yourself a week time and get back in the preparation mode again.
In the end, I would like to leave you with my personal journey:
I failed in prelims 2014, I failed in mains 2015, and I reached till interview stage in next two attempts (2016 & 2017). In 4 attempts I had seen my heart shattered many times and each time it was damn difficult to start again. Many said that you had such a high paying job and you should not be worrying about UPSC this much. But how could I do that? How could I give up?The heart doesn’t lie.
So I kept going.
I was very clear that I will try till my very last and even if I fail at the end of my 6th attempt I would be happy with the feeling that I failed rather than I never tried.
I never wanted to have that regret: What if?
—By Sumit Kumar Rai
AIR 54, CSE 2018